高中英語語法-習作評析（1）
習作評析（1）
某對外發(fā)行的英文刊物正在進行中學生英語征文，請根據(jù)下列提示，以Dont Lose Your Courage為題寫一篇短文，以便向該刊投稿。
[提示]
1. 上高一的第一天；
2. 英語老師劉老師面帶微笑進入教室；
3. 她自我介紹，應稱呼她Miss Liu，而非Teacher Liu；
4. 要求我們每人到教室前自我介紹；
5. 我又怕又羞難以啟齒；
6. 老師鼓勵我，我講得很好；
7. 難忘的第一節(jié)課；
8. 實踐出真知。遇到困難不能灰心喪氣。
[注意]
1. 詞數(shù)100~140；
2. 不要逐字翻譯提示，可適當增加細節(jié)使文章連貫。
[學生原文]
Dont Lose Your Heart
Never I shall（1） forget the first English lesson at Senior One given by Miss Liu. When she entered into（2） the classroom， we found that she was beautiful with a smile on her face. Then she introduced herself， saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu.
A moment later， she asked every（3） of us to go to the blackboard to say something about themselves（4） . When it was my turn， I felt so shyly（5） and fearful that I couldnt speak a word out. Miss Liu came to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. Have a try. I believe you can do it well. My face turned red hearing that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it very well.
Up to now， I can still remember her words in my English（6） lesson：Practice makes perfect. Never lose your heart when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
[名師點評]
作者能根據(jù)提示，運用所學知識得體地進行語言表達。故事行文流暢，要點齊全。運用了復雜的語言結構，作者大膽地使用了現(xiàn)在分詞，使短文緊湊，短文的開頭使用了WhenThen，A moment later等過渡詞，使用恰當，使短文情節(jié)逐層深入，作者在第二段最后使用了was able to為短文添彩。
但有幾處錯誤，現(xiàn)概括如下：
（1）短文首句使用了倒裝句，給人以深刻的印象，部分時間狀語，副詞提前，謂語動詞應倒裝，應改為Never shall I forget。
（2）用法錯誤，enter含有go into的意思，所以應刪除into.
（3）every改為each， every是形容詞，each是代詞。
（4）themselves改為ourselves.因為故事使用第一人稱敘述了發(fā)生在我班上的情況。
（5）shyly改為shy.feel是系動詞，應接形容詞作表語。
（6）在English前加first，表示特定的第一節(jié)英語課。
[精品范文]
Dont Lose Your Courage
Never shall I forget the first English lesson given by Miss Liu. On that day， when she entered the classroom， we found that she was a young and beautiful lady with a big smile on her face. Then she introduced herself saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu， a moment later， she let all of us go to the blackboard and say something about ourselves in English in turn. When it was my turn， I felt so shy and fearful that I didnt dare to say a word before the class. She came up to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. I believe you can do it. Come and have a try. My face turned red when I heard that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it quite well. She praised for what I had done. Up to now， I can still remember her words in the first English lesson： Practice makes perfect. Dont lose your courage when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
習作評析（1）
某對外發(fā)行的英文刊物正在進行中學生英語征文，請根據(jù)下列提示，以Dont Lose Your Courage為題寫一篇短文，以便向該刊投稿。
[提示]
1. 上高一的第一天；
2. 英語老師劉老師面帶微笑進入教室；
3. 她自我介紹，應稱呼她Miss Liu，而非Teacher Liu；
4. 要求我們每人到教室前自我介紹；
5. 我又怕又羞難以啟齒；
6. 老師鼓勵我，我講得很好；
7. 難忘的第一節(jié)課；
8. 實踐出真知。遇到困難不能灰心喪氣。
[注意]
1. 詞數(shù)100~140；
2. 不要逐字翻譯提示，可適當增加細節(jié)使文章連貫。
[學生原文]
Dont Lose Your Heart
Never I shall（1） forget the first English lesson at Senior One given by Miss Liu. When she entered into（2） the classroom， we found that she was beautiful with a smile on her face. Then she introduced herself， saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu.
A moment later， she asked every（3） of us to go to the blackboard to say something about themselves（4） . When it was my turn， I felt so shyly（5） and fearful that I couldnt speak a word out. Miss Liu came to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. Have a try. I believe you can do it well. My face turned red hearing that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it very well.
Up to now， I can still remember her words in my English（6） lesson：Practice makes perfect. Never lose your heart when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
[名師點評]
作者能根據(jù)提示，運用所學知識得體地進行語言表達。故事行文流暢，要點齊全。運用了復雜的語言結構，作者大膽地使用了現(xiàn)在分詞，使短文緊湊，短文的開頭使用了WhenThen，A moment later等過渡詞，使用恰當，使短文情節(jié)逐層深入，作者在第二段最后使用了was able to為短文添彩。
但有幾處錯誤，現(xiàn)概括如下：
（1）短文首句使用了倒裝句，給人以深刻的印象，部分時間狀語，副詞提前，謂語動詞應倒裝，應改為Never shall I forget。
（2）用法錯誤，enter含有go into的意思，所以應刪除into.
（3）every改為each， every是形容詞，each是代詞。
（4）themselves改為ourselves.因為故事使用第一人稱敘述了發(fā)生在我班上的情況。
（5）shyly改為shy.feel是系動詞，應接形容詞作表語。
（6）在English前加first，表示特定的第一節(jié)英語課。
[精品范文]
Dont Lose Your Courage
Never shall I forget the first English lesson given by Miss Liu. On that day， when she entered the classroom， we found that she was a young and beautiful lady with a big smile on her face. Then she introduced herself saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu， a moment later， she let all of us go to the blackboard and say something about ourselves in English in turn. When it was my turn， I felt so shy and fearful that I didnt dare to say a word before the class. She came up to me and said kindly， Dont be afraid. I believe you can do it. Come and have a try. My face turned red when I heard that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it quite well. She praised for what I had done. Up to now， I can still remember her words in the first English lesson： Practice makes perfect. Dont lose your courage when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.
