老外的雅思9分范文點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　中國(guó)人寫(xiě)的雅思作文有結(jié)構(gòu)但語(yǔ)言不夠地道;native speaker寫(xiě)的文章夠地道，但不夠雅思!因此，市面上總找不到完美的雅思例文。

　　此次，我特別邀請(qǐng)我的美國(guó)朋友按照我的要求寫(xiě)了一些文章，這里逐一貼出來(lái)，讓大家分享一下，呵呵。。。

　　Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the real world when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)： 1+ 1 模式，最后 1 句為主題句。此段的主題句稍微有點(diǎn)特殊，它的確否定了前面所提到的觀點(diǎn)，從而表達(dá)出了自己的觀點(diǎn)，此外還引出了下文。特別是最后半句： but in fact require closer examination ，感覺(jué)是在拋磚引玉。

　　The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching moneywhen times get tough in adulthood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)： 1 +3 模式，第 1 句是主題句。請(qǐng)注意，從此段的內(nèi)容來(lái)看，這是個(gè)讓步段。雖然 4 段論的作文的主體段是兩面討論，但是本人還是喜歡這樣的寫(xiě)作，即主體段的觀點(diǎn)還是有側(cè)重的，把讓步段放在前面，最后 1 句話(huà)引出下一段，這樣過(guò)度地很自然，而且自己的觀點(diǎn)也比較明確!

　　The basis of this argument is , of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：這段的內(nèi)容感覺(jué)寫(xiě)得不夠直接，還是在分析對(duì)方觀點(diǎn)的漏洞!請(qǐng)注意，前面讓步段已經(jīng)這么寫(xiě)過(guò)了，那么這一段最好是正面地論證自己的觀點(diǎn)，這樣從內(nèi)容上來(lái)說(shuō)更 convincing 一點(diǎn)!此外，需要說(shuō)明的是，大家發(fā)現(xiàn)作者的內(nèi)容還是有一定深度，但是這是要有一定的英語(yǔ)功底才行的!如果英語(yǔ)功底不行的話(huà)，建議內(nèi)容不要寫(xiě)太深，因?yàn)槟菢尤菀自斐煽脊倏床欢阍谡f(shuō)什么!

　　A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：最后一段有點(diǎn)像是提出解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題的辦法，即 education. 它沒(méi)有像傳統(tǒng)的結(jié)尾段那樣簡(jiǎn)單的重申自己的觀點(diǎn)。

　　總結(jié)之總結(jié)：

　　全文的觀點(diǎn)有待揣摩，作者很明顯是不贊成題目的說(shuō)法，即 Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. 但是作者自己是更偏向窮人家的孩子呢，還是富人家的孩子呢?!根據(jù)文章來(lái)看，作者是中立，他所看重的是他們所接受的教育。In other words，整篇文章又是一次中立的寫(xiě)法。在雅思考試中，這種寫(xiě)法經(jīng)常使用，還是非常實(shí)用的，大家可以學(xué)習(xí)一下。此外，文章中有很多好詞好句，特別是長(zhǎng)句，值得模仿一下。

　　此文9分。

　　中國(guó)人寫(xiě)的雅思作文有結(jié)構(gòu)但語(yǔ)言不夠地道;native speaker寫(xiě)的文章夠地道，但不夠雅思!因此，市面上總找不到完美的雅思例文。

　　此次，我特別邀請(qǐng)我的美國(guó)朋友按照我的要求寫(xiě)了一些文章，這里逐一貼出來(lái)，讓大家分享一下，呵呵。。。

　　Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the real world when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)： 1+ 1 模式，最后 1 句為主題句。此段的主題句稍微有點(diǎn)特殊，它的確否定了前面所提到的觀點(diǎn)，從而表達(dá)出了自己的觀點(diǎn)，此外還引出了下文。特別是最后半句： but in fact require closer examination ，感覺(jué)是在拋磚引玉。

　　The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching moneywhen times get tough in adulthood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)： 1 +3 模式，第 1 句是主題句。請(qǐng)注意，從此段的內(nèi)容來(lái)看，這是個(gè)讓步段。雖然 4 段論的作文的主體段是兩面討論，但是本人還是喜歡這樣的寫(xiě)作，即主體段的觀點(diǎn)還是有側(cè)重的，把讓步段放在前面，最后 1 句話(huà)引出下一段，這樣過(guò)度地很自然，而且自己的觀點(diǎn)也比較明確!

　　The basis of this argument is , of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：這段的內(nèi)容感覺(jué)寫(xiě)得不夠直接，還是在分析對(duì)方觀點(diǎn)的漏洞!請(qǐng)注意，前面讓步段已經(jīng)這么寫(xiě)過(guò)了，那么這一段最好是正面地論證自己的觀點(diǎn)，這樣從內(nèi)容上來(lái)說(shuō)更 convincing 一點(diǎn)!此外，需要說(shuō)明的是，大家發(fā)現(xiàn)作者的內(nèi)容還是有一定深度，但是這是要有一定的英語(yǔ)功底才行的!如果英語(yǔ)功底不行的話(huà)，建議內(nèi)容不要寫(xiě)太深，因?yàn)槟菢尤菀自斐煽脊倏床欢阍谡f(shuō)什么!

　　A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：最后一段有點(diǎn)像是提出解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題的辦法，即 education. 它沒(méi)有像傳統(tǒng)的結(jié)尾段那樣簡(jiǎn)單的重申自己的觀點(diǎn)。

　　總結(jié)之總結(jié)：

　　全文的觀點(diǎn)有待揣摩，作者很明顯是不贊成題目的說(shuō)法，即 Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. 但是作者自己是更偏向窮人家的孩子呢，還是富人家的孩子呢?!根據(jù)文章來(lái)看，作者是中立，他所看重的是他們所接受的教育。In other words，整篇文章又是一次中立的寫(xiě)法。在雅思考試中，這種寫(xiě)法經(jīng)常使用，還是非常實(shí)用的，大家可以學(xué)習(xí)一下。此外，文章中有很多好詞好句，特別是長(zhǎng)句，值得模仿一下。

　　此文9分。