雅思大作文6分范文評析
想知道你為什么不能拿到雅思大作文高分的原因嗎?下面雅思就來為大家分析一篇雅思大作文的6分范文，希望能夠為考生們備考雅思大作文帶來幫助。
Band 6
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.
To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to students house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.
On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and dont help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.
問題分析：
從論證大主題的角度來說，這一篇的最后的收尾是co-operation 更重要的成立的，但是這位考生在文字數量分配上缺乏規劃，分配給competition的文字明顯多于給co-operation的，這樣就給了考官一個非常合情合理的借口扣分，實在是遺憾啊!
寫作建議NO.5：If it is your preference, give it more reference.
如果你更認同那個觀點，那就在這個觀點上多寫點吧。
如果我們進一步看下Body段里的細節內容，其實這位考生的語法功力和邏輯論證能力比上面那位5分同學還要差，但是這篇文章把題目中的兩個方面都提到，沒有犯我的NO.3建議中的錯誤。除此之外，文字總量上這一篇文章叫上兩篇都有絕對的優勢，所以再強調下數量真的也很重要。
寫作建議NO.6：A quantitative change causes a qualitative change.
量變帶來質變。
想知道你為什么不能拿到雅思大作文高分的原因嗎?下面雅思就來為大家分析一篇雅思大作文的6分范文，希望能夠為考生們備考雅思大作文帶來幫助。
Band 6
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.
To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to students house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.
On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and dont help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.
問題分析：
從論證大主題的角度來說，這一篇的最后的收尾是co-operation 更重要的成立的，但是這位考生在文字數量分配上缺乏規劃，分配給competition的文字明顯多于給co-operation的，這樣就給了考官一個非常合情合理的借口扣分，實在是遺憾啊!
寫作建議NO.5：If it is your preference, give it more reference.
如果你更認同那個觀點，那就在這個觀點上多寫點吧。
如果我們進一步看下Body段里的細節內容，其實這位考生的語法功力和邏輯論證能力比上面那位5分同學還要差，但是這篇文章把題目中的兩個方面都提到，沒有犯我的NO.3建議中的錯誤。除此之外，文字總量上這一篇文章叫上兩篇都有絕對的優勢，所以再強調下數量真的也很重要。
寫作建議NO.6：A quantitative change causes a qualitative change.
量變帶來質變。
