為什么我不喜歡別人叫我‘美女’
"Pretty" has always been a conditional adjective for me. My entire life I've heard, "You're pretty for a dark-skinned girl." "You'd be prettier if . . ." Growing up, I didn't want to play outside too long out of fear of getting darker. I'd wish I had skin tones like my mom and dad, who are both light skinned. I'd hear whispers about whether I was my parents' child because there was no way I, a dark-skinned little girl, could have picked up genes from my dark-skinned grandparents.
人們總用"漂亮"這個詞形容我的外在。我活了這么多年，總是聽到別人說，"雖然你黑，但你好看啊。""如果……，你會更好看。"長大一點后，我不喜歡在外玩太久，因為我怕曬的更黑。我真希望能和爸爸媽媽一樣膚色較淺。我曾聽到別人八卦，說我不是父母親生的，因為總不可能我皮膚黑是因為遺傳了祖父祖母吧。
Not only was my perception of pretty shaped by how my peers, family members, and society saw my deep brown skin, but my hair was always a topic of a conversation, too. My hair was my crown and glory, at least that is what I was taught. Every week, I spent hours in the hair salon getting my hair chemically straightened.
我的同伴、家人和社會對待我棕色皮膚的看法塑造了我對美的感知。我的頭發也總是人們的談資。我的頭發是我的驕傲，至少我是這么想的。我每周都會去理發店化學拉直我的頭發。
I didn't feel pretty unless my hair was perfect.
只有當頭發處于完美狀態時，我才會覺得自己美炸了。
Throughout my teenage and college years, I spent hours in front of the mirror, straightening my hair until it was bone straight. I was known for my "pretty" hair. I would often have people ask what I was mixed with because normal black girls couldn't have "good hair," especially not those with dark skin. Having to always have my hair laid was exhausting. I didn't feel pretty unless my hair was perfect. My hair was my crown and glory, so that was the only way the world would see me as beautiful, right?
青春期和大學時代，我會在鏡子前坐上幾個小時--把頭發拉直。大家都知道我有一頭"漂亮"的長發。總會有人問我頭發是怎么弄的，因為一般的黑人姑娘不可能有這么"好看的"頭發，尤其是皮膚黑黑的姑娘。總是拉直頭發是件累活。但只有當頭發處于完美狀態時，我才會覺得自己美美的。我的頭發是我的皇冠、我的榮耀，所以只有那樣，大家才會覺得我漂亮，對嗎？
Shortly after I graduated from college, I went natural. Well, sort of. I grew my relaxer out bit by bit, cutting off the ends every six to eight weeks. To most people, my hair was still pretty, but I was again spending hours manipulating it to make sure it fit into the mold of the 3C hair type most find beautiful. One day, I cut it all off. I felt liberated. As a woman whose beauty was defined by the length and texture of her hair, without knowing it, I was redefining my "pretty."
大學畢業后不久，我開始放任自然卷了。當然是在一定程度上。我一點點的減少順發劑的使用量，每6至8周剪一次發梢。大多數人仍然覺得我的頭發好看，但我又開始花幾個小時做頭發，確保我的頭發是3C型的、確保大多數人覺得我的頭發好看。有一天，我把頭發全剪了，我感受到了自由。以前，人們總是以頭發長短和柔順度定義我美不美，現在，我要重新定義"美麗"的含義。
"Pretty" has always been a conditional adjective for me. My entire life I've heard, "You're pretty for a dark-skinned girl." "You'd be prettier if . . ." Growing up, I didn't want to play outside too long out of fear of getting darker. I'd wish I had skin tones like my mom and dad, who are both light skinned. I'd hear whispers about whether I was my parents' child because there was no way I, a dark-skinned little girl, could have picked up genes from my dark-skinned grandparents.
人們總用"漂亮"這個詞形容我的外在。我活了這么多年，總是聽到別人說，"雖然你黑，但你好看啊。""如果……，你會更好看。"長大一點后，我不喜歡在外玩太久，因為我怕曬的更黑。我真希望能和爸爸媽媽一樣膚色較淺。我曾聽到別人八卦，說我不是父母親生的，因為總不可能我皮膚黑是因為遺傳了祖父祖母吧。
Not only was my perception of pretty shaped by how my peers, family members, and society saw my deep brown skin, but my hair was always a topic of a conversation, too. My hair was my crown and glory, at least that is what I was taught. Every week, I spent hours in the hair salon getting my hair chemically straightened.
我的同伴、家人和社會對待我棕色皮膚的看法塑造了我對美的感知。我的頭發也總是人們的談資。我的頭發是我的驕傲，至少我是這么想的。我每周都會去理發店化學拉直我的頭發。
I didn't feel pretty unless my hair was perfect.
只有當頭發處于完美狀態時，我才會覺得自己美炸了。
Throughout my teenage and college years, I spent hours in front of the mirror, straightening my hair until it was bone straight. I was known for my "pretty" hair. I would often have people ask what I was mixed with because normal black girls couldn't have "good hair," especially not those with dark skin. Having to always have my hair laid was exhausting. I didn't feel pretty unless my hair was perfect. My hair was my crown and glory, so that was the only way the world would see me as beautiful, right?
青春期和大學時代，我會在鏡子前坐上幾個小時--把頭發拉直。大家都知道我有一頭"漂亮"的長發。總會有人問我頭發是怎么弄的，因為一般的黑人姑娘不可能有這么"好看的"頭發，尤其是皮膚黑黑的姑娘。總是拉直頭發是件累活。但只有當頭發處于完美狀態時，我才會覺得自己美美的。我的頭發是我的皇冠、我的榮耀，所以只有那樣，大家才會覺得我漂亮，對嗎？
Shortly after I graduated from college, I went natural. Well, sort of. I grew my relaxer out bit by bit, cutting off the ends every six to eight weeks. To most people, my hair was still pretty, but I was again spending hours manipulating it to make sure it fit into the mold of the 3C hair type most find beautiful. One day, I cut it all off. I felt liberated. As a woman whose beauty was defined by the length and texture of her hair, without knowing it, I was redefining my "pretty."
大學畢業后不久，我開始放任自然卷了。當然是在一定程度上。我一點點的減少順發劑的使用量，每6至8周剪一次發梢。大多數人仍然覺得我的頭發好看，但我又開始花幾個小時做頭發，確保我的頭發是3C型的、確保大多數人覺得我的頭發好看。有一天，我把頭發全剪了，我感受到了自由。以前，人們總是以頭發長短和柔順度定義我美不美，現在，我要重新定義"美麗"的含義。
